Note to TYT: Strap-on sex does not make a man gay

So, I generally enjoy watching The Young Turks. They provide an independent source of news coverage from a progressive viewpoint, without taking themselves too seriously. However, they seriously drop the ball sometimes when it comes to sex-positivity. To be fair, they correctly didn’t think that Anthony Wiener should resign over his sex texts, they covered the slut walks in a positive light, and they even covered Rachel Rabbit White’s Lady Porn Day. But they are a bit sloppy when it comes to stories that aren’t as widely talked about in the sex-positive blogosphere.

Recently they made me mad because they messed with my men. They perpetuated the myth that any man who likes being fucked with a strap-on must be gay. Now, they don’t come right out and say this, but it is strongly implied by multiple comments made by the male members of the news team. It irks me that even a network that claims to be rebelling against authority and/or societal expectations still comes out with this bullshit.

Now, obviously there’s nothing wrong with being gay, so guys shouldn’t be so worried that they might have a touch of the bi in any case. However, a guy can enjoy anal pleasure without being attracted to men. There’s such a thing as the prostate which makes receptive anal sex highly arousing for most men.

Dan Savage has dealt with this issue many times, and the way he responds is always great. For example, in one week’s column where he dealt with several instances of gay panic he responded to one reader by saying:

Lots of straight guys enjoy having their asses touched; some even enjoy having their asses pegged. If this guy ate your pussy like a champ and fucked you absolutely senseless before, during, and after you touched his ass, all signs point to straight. If he seemed reluctant to fuck you, ignored your tits, and screamed, “Yes, Rufus! Harder, Rufus! Deeper, Rufus!” when you touched his ass, well, then he’s probably a big ol’ HOMO. If he leans toward straight, HAG, stop ignoring him.

Some men like it when women plunge dildos into their asses. That doesn’t make them gay. Some women like it when women plunge dildos into their cunts. That doesn’t make them straight. I enjoy ass-fucking men. It’s been a fantasy of mine since I started having fantasies. Please don’t discourage the men who don’t ascribe to the double standard of “I want to fuck you in the ass, but mine is off limits”. Don’t make it harder for men who are open minded and sexually adventurous. Leave my men alone.

Posted on August 17, 2011, in rant and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. I was just gonna hit like, but wordpress wants me to set up an account, and that’s a slippery slope to setting up a blog.

    “I enjoy ass-fucking men. It’s been a fantasy of mine since I started having fantasies.”

    That’s impressive, it took quite a while for me to find out this was a thing (and a while longer to admit it looked like fun.) Although I find it hard to beleive that any man would refuse to bend over for Katy Perry.

  2. dishevelleddomina

    YES, exactly, preach it, sistah.

  3. Whenever someone makes a comment in my presence like, “oh, he likes his wife to peg him? He’s definitely gay,” I go into huge fake histrionics – pretending to have a crisis of orientation – because I enjoy receiving cunnilingus (from boys) and OMG THAT’S SOMETHING LESBIANS ARE KNOWN FOR DOING, therefore I must be a lesbian. I think this helps put things in perspective.

    I mean for fuck’s sake. Nerve endings are nerve endings and pleasure is pleasure – no act is inherently “gay” or “straight”. What makes a person gay or straight (as Dan Savage has pointed out) is who you do those things with.

    And by the way…why is it that a guy who wants to receive anal from a woman is assumed to have homosexual tendencies, but a guy who wants to fuck a woman’s ass is just a normal, adventurous guy who wants to try something a little different? Why doesn’t society see both guys as normal and adventurous?

    I guess you can tell this is a pet peeve of mine. :D

  4. Thank you! I’m a 29yo and bicurios. I forced myself to struggle with this identity issue since I started enjoy anal play as a 14 or 15yo. I never let on to any ex gfs about my sexuality and my fiancé only knows now because she found some Craigslist emails from before we met. She was upset but she quickly understood. 3years later were engaged, she’s happy and encourages using the strapon, though I don’t think she ever thought she would before we met. No one would know what I’m into, or what we do. Only my closest friends and her know I identify myself as bisexual. I’ve never done anything with a guy but the desire is there. At this point I’ve come to realize Regardless of my situation and sexuality, there’s many new men out there straighter than an arrow who want anal play, but choose to hide it for fear of what TYT perpetuated. I am a fan of them but missed that clip. I think you and Dan savage are doing good work, and I hope someday find the reverence that is bestowed upon the suffrage movement and civil rights of the 1960’s and succeed in wiping away these false notions of sexuality we’ve created for ourselves or that we’re directed upon us by our culture. While TYT deserves credit for their work to change the perception of woman by covering slut walks or the ridiculous denial of marriage rights even though it affects no one but those who are gay, and other good issues, you’re going the next step and pushing not the boundaries but restoring the spectrum of sexuality and it’s non correlation to someone’s worth. I hope in the brave new world we can live free, absent from false expectations of gender and live our private lives as private lives because we have equal rights that don’t require exposing others to such private and personal issues to gain acceptance as normal. Make sense?

    • Makes complete sense. And I do very much hope that we can keep our private lives private. It looks like if Rick Santorum is elected the right to privacy could be called into question: http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2012/01/08/santorum-v-griswald

      However, I also think that we should be able to have a public discourse about sex without having to hide who we are for fear of our jobs and whatnot. Sex shouldn’t be such a shameful thing, and sexual diversity should be acknowledged and embraced.

  1. Pingback: The intersection of performative masculinity/femininity and dominance/submission « Delving into Deviance

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